Traits of the trade

 We all have a series of traits that make us recognisable to the people who know us. These can be physical or personality traits. They can be in the way we move or our mannerisms. It can be our bad habits and our involuntary movements. They can be learnt  from the people we spent time with or the things we enjoy. It can even simply be the accent in which we talk. Sometimes it's the little things we do that stand out to everyone who views us.

 For example when I am sitting for a certain length of time (like when it takes me longer than it should to write my blog posts) I have a habit of bending my neck side to side to loosen it off. It's such a small insignificant thing to me yet I often find people are amused by it being something I "always do". It's something I wouldn't even take note of, but because it's genuinely something people notice I do.

 I imagine one of the great things of being a parent is observing the traits that your child gets from you. You often hear families talk of whose eyes they have or who they are the spitting the imagine of. As those kids grow you get see who they take after personality wise, whose mannerisms they pick and how they incorporate all into becoming there own person. That's something you really should take the time to appreciate being a part of. It's something I feel honoured to be a part of. Although being a NotDad it's maybe not quite as straight forward.

 When I made the full-on move to being a full-time parent the MiniMosher was already eight years old. Even though I had already known the little guy for years, stepping in as permanent adult figurehead is a quite a big change from being a friend of the family. When I did make the big move the MiniMosher was already a fully formed little human. And being the NotDad pretty much means you haven't provided any of the genetic make-up that went into making your kid so they aren't gonna bear any of your physical traits either. Furthermore, being as it is that I hail from Scotland and the MiniMosher was born and raised in Liverpool, England it means our accents weren't even the same nationality. So logically when you step-up to step-parent you are pretty much going to be taking on a youngster that has none of your traits. Well, at first anyway...

 I've found that caring enough to want to engage and look after you step-kid can have more of an influence than you might realise. Firstly let me just clarify that this little piece of writing is about someone's traits and not about how well you get along or how much stuff you do together. There was never any problem on that front. Me and MiniMosher have always got on and whatever stage our relationship was at it's always been enjoyable. I'm pretty much a thirty-plus child so finding things I like to do with the wee guy was never a hardship and was always pleasure. We had our things we did together and our own little blend back and forth. However having that much input into his life has had subconscious effect too.

 Remember that time I told you about that habit I have of bending my neck side-to-side? Those were good times, right? Well not so long ago myself, My Lady and the MiniMosher were all sitting watching TV in the lounge. As we do. And why not? It's our lounge we can do what we like in it! A perfectly nice and non-eventful evening. Non-eventfully apart from a small but meaningful observation My Lady made. For after the little man had gone to bed My Lady made a remark to me.

 "Did you see what he was doing?"

 Of course, with me being the razor minded fellow who let's nothing get passed him that I am, I replied "No, What?"

 "He was doing that thing you do with your neck. Where you move it side-to-side. Exactly the way you do"

 There are so many things me and the MiniMosher do together. So many little in-jokes. So many things that  our just "our thing". But that was the first time he'd ever unknowingly and involuntarily copied one of my mannerisms and took on one of my traits. Yes, I realise it's a very small thing but sometimes the small things mean very big stuff. And the fact that I appreciated this one small thing so much is possibility one of the advantages I have as a NotDad. Maybe a parent whose kid is already like them in so many other ways wouldn't take stock of how important and complete their effect of just being there for their young one is when such a humble, tiny mimicked action is observed.

 So the next time your child, whether they be biologically yours or not, does or says something you do without even registering that's it's you they got it from you can give yourself a big pat on the back from me my friend. You are on the right track.